


His Pills, His Hands, His Jeans

by sam_boiii



Series: The Colors Series [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: A Paragraph Of Smut, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Brendon is an Asshole, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kind of angsty, M/M, Post-Split, Pre-Split, jon and spencer are only mentioned, poorly written smut, ryan is head over heels, when you touch your soulmate you see color
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8689435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_boiii/pseuds/sam_boiii
Summary: When you touch your soulmate you see color.A few scenes from a few years of the lives of two lovers.Title is from Colors by Halsey





	

In all the time that he knew him, one year, Ryan Ross had never touched Brendon Urie.

Except he was sure he had. He was right now, at least. 

“Can you see it?”

“What’re you talking about?”

And from there on out, Ryan Ross kept the most painful secret of his life.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Spencer saw right through him. He knew the second after it happened, even though he wasn’t in the room with him. Ryan refused to admit anything, until he was drunk and sobbing into Spencer’s shoulder about how he hadn’t realized that this idiot, his best friend, was his soul mate. 

Ryan’s life felt even more black than before. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

2 months down the line, and he was drunk again. He was drunk and fighting with Brendon. Brendon was very touchy feely, and was begging for a hug, begging for Ryan to hold him. 

He said that all friends snuggled every once in awhile.

He said that Spencer and Jon snuggled with him.

He even said that Jon would kiss him sometimes.

And Ryan, well Ryan drank and drank and drank until he didn’t realize that he had kissed Brendon too, and when he woke up, all he could remember was the way Brendon’s beautiful brown eyes looked, lit up by moonlight.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Brendon was fucking gagging for it. Things had escalated quickly in the month since the kiss, and now here he was, on his knees, begging for Ryan. Ryan didn’t like seeing him like this, all needy and slutty.

That night, alone in his bunk, Ryan could only think about the explosion of reds and blues and purples he saw, like the closer they were the more color he could see. Ryan wished he was painter, so he could have an excuse for Brendon Urie to suck him off everyday.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Ryan almost felt addicted to the sensation of touching Brendon Urie. Almost.

He didn’t know what he liked more, seeing color, or just touching him. 

Soon enough he found that he couldn’t resist holding Brendon’s hand under the table at signings, couldn’t resist sneaking kisses before, after, sometimes during, shows. And Brendon? Well he was a sex fiend. Often times he would go to hold his hand during signings, only to end up with Brendon’s hand down his pants. Brendon liked sex, and loved it when it was in public. 

They hadn’t actually gone all the way yet, and Ryan was looking forward to figuring out what color the walls would be in the room.

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

They were sea foam. 

He never knew his bedroom was sea foam colored. 

“F-fuck Ryan please, move already.”

“S-sorry.’ He pulled out and thrusted back in slowly. After a few minutes of painfully slow moving and heavy breathing against the other’s neck, Ryan pulled back to look at Brendon’s face. He was crying.

“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you? I can-”

“No no no no no, please don’t pull out.”

“What is it then babe?” He asked, pushing the hair out of his lover’s face.

Brendon mumbled incoherently.

“Speak up love.”

“I wasn’t expecting my first time to be with a person who isn’t my soul mate, that’s all.”

Ryan felt like he had been shot. He got up, pulled on his pants, and went to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, hopefully somewhere where there’s color.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

He left the band shortly after that, Jon following him. 

He researched day and night, finding out if you could have multiple soulmates, and always came up empty. He didn’t know if he wanted to find out.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

He knew this day would come eventually, he just didn’t want it to.

“She’s mesmerizing, everything is so beautiful when she’s around.” The man on his laptop spoke. 

Ryan cried. He cried and he cried and he cried.

He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. And then he called Jon, and asked him for help.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

Brendon sat on his bed, holding the letter between his hands gently, like breathing too hard could rip it.

 

He read it and read it again, trying to understand why he had gotten this after all these years.

 

“Dear Brendon,

 

I wanted to thank you for giving me the best years of my life. Yes, I have a lot more to live, but I know that for sure you were the best. You were my first in only one way, so thank you. Maybe someday we will be friends, but for now looking at pictures of you hurts. I wish the best for you and Sarah. Thank you. I don’t know what else to really say. I’m sure you’re confused too.

 

Sincerely,  
Ryan Ross

 

P.S. hold Sarah when you open the box.”

 

He looked at the sealed box sitting next to him, and wondered what his former band member had gotten for him.

“Sarah!"

She came in and sat beside him, a hand on his arm. The room took on a egg shell blue color.

He opened the box, and cried, looking through the 10 paintings showing some the most memorable moments between the two lovers. The aubergine and tangerine sunset from the one year anniversary of them knowing each other, the Earth brown colors of his own eyes from the first time they kissed, the blurred faces of fans and the red nail polish on Brendon’s thumb and his hand on Ryan’s thigh during meet and greets, the sea foam green walls of Ryan’s room, combined with red bedding from their first and last time together, all in the most beautiful colors.

And he cried harder, because he had seen the colors when these things took place too.

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from a tumblr post but I don't know who made it!! Yikes!! This is the first fic I've ever written aaaaaaaaaa,,,,,,, if you want a part two to this then just say so in the comments.


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